Life is cyclical - I mean, how many times have I asked the exact same questions on this blog? There's no resolve for those who seek to solve problems through reason.
Oh, if you could only grasp the problem I face. You probably see me for what I am - but do you know that I need you? I can't believe I just said that. I should only need God, not people. Why do I want people so badly?
I only talk to God to feel like I'm talking to myself. I dare not say that I hate praying, but it is tiring. Prayer and talking to God makes me weary. In what way can I sense that God is listening? I'm finite, and he's everlasting. We are oh so different! How could we possibly be able to connect?
The further away I am from you, the closer I realize you lay to my heart. How many times can I open up and let the blood flow without you growing weary? How many times can I spill without being washed out?
I like honest discussion. I like being honest. I have great people to talk to. Thank you God that I have good people to talk to. But who am I to these people? Do they like talking to me? If so, why do they like talking to me? And do I exemplify Christ when I talk to these people?
No matter how much I hurt for you, I can never seem to express all my care through words ... and that hurts. And for the times that I do express myself, my sincerity is likely masked by being utterly cliche.
It's so odd for me to weep, but it's not something that I desire to be so distant from. God, why can't I weep? Though I beg to weep, there's no life unto my tears. They simply lay dead behind my eyes. I would love to say that I cried for you. I am so eager, and I have many toxins to release. My tears come through my writings, but I just want for some REAL tears to come running out.
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