Spiritual wilderness: I must be close to such a place. It's where you have that desire toward desiring something again. You can listen to music, you can read from the Bible, you can mix music, but when you're by yourself you have such trouble diminishing that dull pain. When I'm around people, I'm usually more distracted, thus not being so bothered by whatever is irritating me when I'm alone. But surely that doesn't take the problem away. Praying to God or talking to myself? Writing something worthwhile or rejecting what God wants me to say? Is God okay with the music I listen to? Before I gave my life to Christ, I did enjoy music more. That's a sacrifice that hurts me. I used to listen to music for spiritual healing, but now I know that music alone can't mend a soul that's torn apart. Not to say that God cannot communicate through music, but I now understand that music does die away. It is not everlasting. Everything on this earth is truly meaningless in and of itself. Spiritual progress seems so bleak compared to experiencing God in his fullness. Give me more than sacraments, give me more than human interpretation, give me more than this dying body, give me more than these everyday sins I struggle with, give me ... but wait, is that me trying to take the place of God? One can become so distant from loneliness that they forget about God. It is during that time of loneliness when they begin to remember that God actually exists.
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