Saturday, 19 July 2014

Ante Meridiem: Forever

It is nothing short of mesmerizing that the question mark looks just like a human ear - and yet, this is paradoxical because when you ask a question you do not know whether the consciousness in which your question dives into will respond with hearing or deafness, as you would if you were talking with a human you were well acquainted with - that is, unless the human you were well acquainted with obtained hearing or deafness without your knowledge of such. In my abode of questions, the disdain is penetrating.

The problem with questions is not the lack of answers. The problem with questions is that the lack of answers may last forever. Forever is the phantom's fathom and this phantom is the human's fate. At any rate, the idea that the phantom possesses is the human's fate. How is it that I am able to speak of forever when I have no experiential recalling of forever? My question is stupid because forever and recalling are unable to synthesize.

Your questions are not stupid. Well, what I mean to say is, the questions that you leave me with are not stupid. Am I coming any closer? Your ability to bury me in questions is brilliant. And in your brilliance, you inflict the type of pain that is often there even though I lose sight of it more often than I prefer. Will you always be there for me? No, you will not - reason being, always is synonymous with forever, and since forever is non-existent in this dimension, it would be pitiful for me to expect this of you.

But I do expect this of you. Why do I expect this of you? My only response is a dead end - not a dead end, but a seemingly dead end to me. By faith I trust that eternity is written on my heart, and with that eternity the hurt seems more preeminent, in certain circumstances, than the healing.

And what is the purpose of speaking with myself, anyway? It is such mediocrity and nonsense to create an illusion of the person who desires not to speak with me. Though, you did once desire to speak with me. And I know that this is not and could not be forever, but I still believe that it will and could be forever. It hurts to lose what once brought me victory.

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