I really like jumping from boxcar to boxcar. It helps me to forget about the totality of the train. Ha, the futility of totality. Totality of what? All of your haughtiness and pride created from your assumed "completeness." It's absolutely hysterical to me. But I'm lying to myself, right? Oh my, I shouldn't be awake right now. The boxcars are passing moments, and the train is my life in general. I'll carefully study every boxcar I jump on top of until my eyes feel the scorn of investigation. I'll just repeat, and repeat, and repeat. And I'll believe that repetition is change, while metamorphosis is only metaphysical. How's that for being forlorn?
Sadly, the healers are the ones who hurt us. I suppose I brought the pain upon myself by thinking of humans as "healers." God is the healer, and I know that, but I still don't believe it. And I'm still waiting. Maybe the waiting will end once I believe that God is the healer? But is that likely at this point? I've made so many prayers to the Lord, and I've talked to both myself and others ... well, more than is necessary.
It's true that you reap what you sow. What a fool I was when I had the seeds in hand!