God is Purpose

"Time is of the essence" echoes in my head, while everyone else here lacks the sincerity that I hold fast to. Just sitting in their chairs, biding time. And truly there's nothing favorable coming for them (but what about me?). And truly I don't know that. And truly I don't know many things.

As if sitting in this chair could bring me toward purpose. As if anything I may write could bring me toward that. As if anything they'd say could bring me toward that. There's no going toward purpose, that is, if I continue going toward myself. For if I was looking for purpose, that must indicate that I do not possess it.

But what if the purpose already exists inside of me? What if it's a simple task of uncovering? With my theology in tact, I suspect that these questions are excuses. I only want to make myself a god. "I have more control over myself than any other thing, and I want something to be a god, so I'll be that something, that god." Worship of the self.

God is purpose and that's why I sense distance from purpose. This occurs because I have not seen the fullness of God. Yes, the Holy Spirit may dwell inside of me, but my body is not the origin of that which dwells inside. That is why I can't go toward myself to find purpose, since the Holy Spirit exists beyond my personal existence.

Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Where does this Holy Spirit exist inside of me? I'm not sure, I can't touch it, it's immaterial.

To conclude with some thoughts on the human soul. For a long time I have thought of the soul as something that comes into existence but becomes eternal. This is contradictory though, because the word eternal implies no beginning and no end. How can the soul begin to exist when there's not an end? And I do believe in the afterlife, so I do believe that there is no end, so how is it that this endlessly existing immaterial object could have a beginning?

I could have been wrong. Maybe every soul exists eternally, apart and within body, and it's a matter of individuals recognizing that they have souls?