Touching the Heavens

Well, here is where I take my arrows and shoot down eloquence. How do you feel? Did you have a good day? Did you have a bad day? Did you have a mediocre day? Fast forward, here is my question: how often do most people have a G.R.E.A.T. day? I seem to be alone when I grieve over the idea that the world does not have to be the way that it is. God, it did not have to be this way!

It is difficult for me to say that the days are "good." I like to say that the days are "okay." After all, I live in a world that exists between Heaven and Hell. This world is surely multifarious. But getting back on the correct train track of thought (sort of, hey, I bet my mind's train track is named Thomas), do you find it sad that these days are not great? What if you could have the ecstasy running through your veins all the time? Just imagine that! Sounds pretty cheerful, does it not? It has been a long while since I could say that I felt some pure ecstasy.

I suppose I should not assume that everybody does not have great days too often. But how can somebody truly enjoy themselves in this world? More specifically, how does a follower of Christ truly enjoy themselves in this world? Christ is gone and he was only on this earth for 33 years. How sad is that? The one who is supposed to be our source of joy (Romans 5:11) lived half as long as the average human being (67.2 years). The disciples probably understood the presence of God differently than I do. They probably understood it better than I do. Living in this world of random, material, temporal objects is bewildering. What can a follower of Christ achieve in this world? The world, though physically full, seems spiritually empty. And now that I have said that, I realize that is what I wanted to say this whole time. Or rather, I am finding what I wanted to say.

Why does the physical often seem so much more real than the spiritual? I want the spiritual! No longer am I able to be satisfied by the banal, fleeting shards of mortality that were once so gleaming. I have not always felt such levels of dissatisfaction.

October 27, 2012 was a cold night. I prayed to God for forgiveness that evening. After that had taken place, I remember laying in bed, asking God to take me away. In a sense, human existence had become meaningless to me. It seemed beautifully meaningless. This is not to say that I felt no ecstasy. I was extremely excited to be forgiven by God (I thank him now as I write this out)! I felt ecstasy, yes. But it was spiritual ecstasy. Though my feet touched the dirt, my soul seemed to touch the heavens.

So when will I get to touch the heavens again? This whole article has been a word salad. Who needs structure though? Structure is a facade that humans use for the sake of feeling better about themselves. There are better ways to feel better.