The Cynic

It's easier to become what you don't want to become, and more difficult to not become what you want to become (Romans 7:21-25). It was only months ago, not even a year ago, that I put so much care into my identity. It was almost like an out of body experience when I reflect upon it. I was sitting inside a workshop where the walls were adorned with expectations, and selfish pleasures. I still care about who I am, but I don't care so much about my identity in and of itself. I'm practically on the other side of where I was! Is it the right place to be? Oh God, I hope it is. It's easier to be where I was than where I am now - so I think.

Getting back to the subject of pleasure, there is of course a greater temptation to bask in sadness if you ignore what pleases your physical body. But the goal of my life shouldn't be to satisfy every bodily craving should it? People hurt and kill God's creation just for the sake of personal satisfaction - that's not good is it? Personal satisfactions are not good in and of themselves, and they are not wrong in and of themselves. What do I desire and why do I desire it? Who, apart from myself, do my desires affect? What do my desires affect?

I have a soul to find that's buried deep inside of me. I have a God to find. I must connect to the Spirit - the one, true Spirit. How can I trust initial sights and opinions when I live in a post-Christian culture?

Well, that sure shifted quickly! I started writing with a numb feeling, which then progressed into a euphoric feeling, and now I'm ending with a feeling of defeat inside of me.