Runaway

I waste so much time just staring at screens. Do I love it, yet not like it, often times? I know that I use my computer, cell phone, and iPod too much. Are electronics my idol? Sometimes I just need to go for a walk outside. I really do like going for walks, especially during the late hours of evening. It's so difficult to satisfy me though, so walks are sometimes boring. That's one reason why I shouldn't put faith in humanity: it's awfully inconsistent. 

No matter where I am, my insecurities seem to circle around me when I'm alone. When I walk by myself, I fear what other people could do to me. I mean, realistically speaking, there are a lot of possibilities. What if somebody has a gun? What if somebody has a knife? What if people use their fists to beat me up over a trivial matter, such as the clothes on my body? There are no guarantees. Humans are very irresponsible, especially with life-threatening objects.

How many people really need to own a gun or a knife? Now, I don't think that either are wrong in and of themselves, but I think that they are commonly used for vain purposes. I believe that pride is easy to access when it comes to knives and guns, and I don't think many take that into consideration. With a knife or a gun in hand, you're just a stab / shot away from ending a life. There is a lot of responsibility to that.

When I'm alone I think too often about the wrong things, and when I'm with people I don't think enough about the right things. Watch out for mania, because it can bite you! Alone, with people, alone, with people, alone, with people. Where do I belong? 

Tonight I just had to stare at the ceiling and talk to God. There was peace in that, I now realize. But talking, and praying, it's painful for me! When you get headaches everyday, you don't always enjoy using your mind. The brain, the body ... the body needs rest, so the brain must too, right? I should give my brain a rest more often. My mind is tired.